Confessions Of A People Pleasing Pastor

I struggle with being a people pleaser. Whew... I said it! That felt good.

Notice my wording. I didn't say I "AM" a people pleaser, I said I "struggle" with being one. Why is that important? Because I don't want to be anything that's not biblical, and being a people pleaser isn't biblical. The word "struggle" indicates that it's something I'm striving to get better at, I haven't accomplished it yet, but it's not "owning" me either! Let's talk.

Let me talk personally on this, and maybe that will make more sense for a lot of you. As a pastor, a lot of my time is spent working with people. (no I don't work FOR them, I work with them. We are accomplishing a vision that we partner in. I work FOR God.) I love people...I'm energized by people. Then it kicks in... someone comes in with a semi-complaint or concern. It doesn't have to be anything big. Shoot, sometimes it can be as small as "Pastor, I would love to talk to you sometime about something." Then my People Pleasing Parachute kicks in. Everything is slowed down, time slows, my joy, my excitement, my energy, my mood... it literally becomes a parachute; slowing down any forward progress.

My mind starts working overtime trying to figure out if they are upset, mad, frustrated, angry. What did I do? How can I fix it? I don't want them mad at me! Then, I turn to getting mad at them for something that I'm ASSUMING rather than KNOWING! And by the time we meet, or we hear the thoughts, I've worked myself into such a frantic pace that I'm apologizing before I know what for. And you know what... I refuse to do that anymore. And below is why...

Galatians 1:10, NLT: "Obviously, I'm not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant."

Being a people pleaser is NOT biblical! Here's why I believe Paul wrote those poignant and powerful words - being a people pleaser will turn you into a personal hater. Your mind will start spinning, running in 100 different directions, and will cause you to hate yourself as you wonder what you did and do wrong all the time and why people can't seem to like you. Here's some things I've learned as I refuse to be a people pleaser:

1. My Value Isn't Determined By Others, But By Jesus.

Naturally, as humans, we want to please those that give us the most value in our lives. When I lose sight of where my value stems from I try to please the wrong people. I want to people the man that died for me... that is where my worth is found!

2. My Church Isn't My Church, Nor Is It Theirs.

As I lead Radiate Church, as we push to grow and make bigger waves of impact I'm reminded of this - this is NOT my church. Nor is it the people that attend Radiate! Jesus paid for the Church when He sacrificed on the cross, and emptied the tomb. He then equipped His disciples to establish the institution/organization of the Church is power and purpose. I'm simply helping Him fulfill His vision for the Church (big "C")!

3. My Family Doesn't Deserve To Suffer Because Of My Struggles.

It's true that we take out our frustrations and hurts on those closes to us. Our families don't deserve to suffer because we think everyone is out to get us. My kids didn't deserve an "ill" father, and my wife didn't deserve a "drained" husband, just because I think someone is upset with me. They deserve my best - better than anything I could give anyone else!

4. I'm Can't Serve Him When I'm Consumed With Them.

Sure, we love and worship Him by loving others... but it's not about loving people, it's about being consumed by them. I can't fully serve Jesus when I'm fully consumed by others. I have to be first consumed by Him and then serve others! Being a people pleaser gets that mixed up.

5. Leadership Means Some People Won't Like Your Decisions.

If you're going to be in leadership of any form get used to this - SOME PEOPLE WILL BE UPSET WITH YOU! It's leadership, it's natural... GET OVER IT! The quicker I learn that no matter what I do, I will never be able to please everyone, the quicker I can lead toward the vision God has for us!

So, here's the point: take condolence in the fact that you aren't alone in your struggle to be a people pleaser. Don't beat yourself up, but don't give in either. Most of us struggle with this to an extent, but remember where your worth is! Remember where your heart belongs. Remember who deserves your best! Follow God and you'll never get lost!

Until next week...